Yobs vs. Cheerleaders
Well, we’ve established as a given that we’re not going to be able to compete on an international level in the matchless game of soccer football until we can assemble a serviceable group of drunken psychopaths to wear the colors.
Working against us is the almost instinctive urge towards cheerleaders. You see, in the United States, when we decide that a team needs encouragement and media visibility, we get attractive young women to wear the team colors and say inspiring things. Sometimes they do it loudly, and sometimes they spice it up with a little dancing and jumping. How cruel, how barbaric, how far we have yet to go!
I guess we never even had the idea (so obvious now, in retrospect) that a gang of virulently unhygienic, poorly-educated, violence-prone skinheads would do a better job than cheerleaders. An online casino USA wouldn’t hurt either, but that’s neither here nor there…
Of course, we’d have to change the media strategy just a bit. Instead of watching the cheerleaders during the game, we’ll need to focus more on the post-game chaos and destruction. That means more coverage, which is always a good thing. There’s even more opportunity for publicity when you add on all of the apologies, and various people saying things like “they in no way represent the team or the majority of its supporters (wink wink)”.
Sure, New Jersey is making some strides toward that end, but that’s to be expected from one of our historically more refined and intellectual regions (that’s where Princeton is, you know). I’m sure, given enough time, we could convince the football fans of Memphis, Detroit, and Oakland to rise to the challenge. We could get some branded online slots, too.
Instead of talking about hateful misogynistic details like the relative bust, waist, and hip measurements of the cheerleaders, we can discuss socially-significant factors like number of prior arrests, and the dollar value of damage to public and private property. Now THAT’S progress!
